Mirror, signal, manoeuvre - remember that phrase?
A year and a half and more than £2,000 later, I have my driving test on Friday.
When I first got behind the wheel I enjoyed every moment of it, with one exception - roundabouts.
I don’t know what it is about those circular devils, but between my fear of them, and regular drivers thinking I’m telepathic, there have been a few close calls.
I didn’t realise my language was so bad until I was met by ‘the man in his flash car.’
I thought it was a myth, and a bit of a joke, that people in flash cars think they own the road but it turns out to be true.
I’ve concluded that some flash drivers never needed L plates or tuition and I think when they were given a map they thought it was a legal deed to the road. Although at least they love flouting the law and pull away from lights quickly, which is a lot more than can be said for the music lovers.
The music lovers are the kind hearted drivers who love us to listen to their music by blaring out their distracting array of miss beats while I’m looking for the clutch.
Arm out the window, a packet of cheesy snaps on the dashboard and up they pull right behind me with not enough room between us, so if my foot comes off the clutch to quickly, I’ll be left rolling back into the mobile Glastonbury behind me.
I can hardly think with the music blaring and I wouldn’t mind, but it’s usually music none of us like. And of course you can’t make eye contact and give them a look of disgust, because the windows are tinted out.
And I can’t blow my horn because you’re only supposed to blow it to ‘warn drivers or your car,’ instead of warning them that you want to ring their necks.
I have found women drivers and young people to be the most accommodating when I’ve rolled back at lights, like a melon off a skateboard. But I remain hopeful for the test. You’ll know I didn’t pass if next week’s blog is about something random like fly fishing with an orange.
Finally, if you drive a flash car and like to play your tasteless music out of your tinted windows, please stay away from roundabouts on Friday.
Jason Lavan writes a weekly blog published every Wednesday on www.newportadvertiser.com